Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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