hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
