And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
