so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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