The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
