You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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