The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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