im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
