yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
