We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
PANTIES FOUND
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