Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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