in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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