Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
