He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
