just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
