Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
