Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
