32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize