Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
