i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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