tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
