3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
