Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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