No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize