i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
