I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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