Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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