Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
