we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
