i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
