Umm I'm too high to move.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
