she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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