Screwed.edu
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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