and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
