Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
