Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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