I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
