But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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