I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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