he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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