how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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