she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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