I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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