I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
