im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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