Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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