PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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