I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
