Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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birth control should be required to get into college
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?