do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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