Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future