sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter