Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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