They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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