please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize