I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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