True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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