she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
