Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize