Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
