Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
