why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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