You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
