woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
