On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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