The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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