I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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